State of Recovery

I had Surgery back on Sept 1st, and have been taking it easy, since I have at least 4 weeks off of work.

I won’t go into details of the surgery, except for the worst part for me, which is being put under anesthesia, or put to sleep as some people say.

I loose time. Meaning, when I go under, everything is blank; and when I am woken up, it feels as if I was only out for an instant, but in reality I have been out for 4 hours. I do not have a sense of time passing. . I remember nothing and I do not dream during that time.
In my mind, I have lost 4 hours in time that I cannot account for. I know that sounds weird but this is how I feel.

It is not the same thing when you are sleeping. When sleeping, most people dream, or have a sense of time passing as they sleep. You know you have slept for 4, 6, or even 8 hours, by either dreaming, coming in and out of conscience during the night, or other small indications that lends it self to the night. You wake up rested and mostly ready for the day (minus the jolt of caffeine).

Coming out of anesthesia, someone calls your name; you don’t recognize the voice; you hear strange noises and other voices that you don’t recognize; and you are in a different room from where you started. A dense fog comes over you and you blank again for a few moments, until you hear the voices again, and you are moving to a different room.
It takes a long time before you are coherently aware of what is going on around you.

I feel very vulnerable... I hate loosing time…

pain...

Pain reaches my heart every day I am not close to you.
I try not to remember, but I do, and it hurts
Do you not see?
Do you not care?
You confuse me, again and again…..
I cannot dwell on you any longer.
Until you decide….maybe you have….

?...?

Have you seen my face?
You have seen my eyes

You smile, and I smile
Have you seen my heart?

Why do you not hear me?
I listen to you

I am alone
Why can’t you stay?

I can not breathe when you are near
Where are you?

Do I cry for you?
…... yes ......

In Passing....

As we pass from one moment to the next,
Our lives are touched by so many people.
Some by a smile
Some by a word
Others by a touch
As we pass from one moment to the next,
Friends are created
Some by a smile
Some by a word
Others by a touch
As we pass from one moment to the next,
We are connected.
And, in that moment
We smile
We speak
We touch
And in passing by, in that moment
A memory is made.