Reminiscing and Memories

Thanksgiving has gone and past and Christmas is around the corner. This was one of my better Thanksgivings since my Dad passed away. I miss him. He has been gone for about 5 years and I still miss him. Even though we fought and butted heads over most things, and in my early years he drank and was drunk for most holidays, well most of the time he was drunk, and I still miss him.
I don’t think I ever really hated my Dad although I hated the way he was, that he was always drunk, and mean. He was drunk at work (I worked with him too) and at home too. He tried to control us kids, and every aspect of our lives, and I rebelled at every turn.
But he is gone and those sad memories are in the past. Dad was sober for the about the last 20 years of his life and tried to make the most of what he lost.
I didn’t have the happy childhood that I would have liked to have had, but I do have the understanding not to make the same mistakes that he did, and I hope my kids are having a good time growing up.
As I said before, this was a good Thanksgiving. I went to my old home town Mannington W.Va. and got to see my Grandmother, who will be 99 next March. I got to tour my old Grade school that I attended up until the 8th grade. I spent time with my mom and my aunt, also with my sisters and brother.
We talked and laughed about memories, and reminisced about the past. We don’t hold onto grudges and we don’t harp on any ill feelings.
We are a family, although dysfunctional, we are a family just the same.

Hard to read.......

People.

I have noticed that some people are not that hard to read. You know exactly what they are thinking before they open their mouths and you have a keen sense who they are.

I have also noticed that others send mixed signals that leads you, then all of the sudden, the plot changes and you are in a totally different chapter of that person. Almost like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide.

And others cannot be read at all. They are not allowing anyone to get close enough to get into their world, or, if they do, they don’t allow you to stay long enough to get to know them. I would not say they are closed off, or stuck on themselves. Maybe they are just shy and are afraid of what people may think of them. Maybe they are hiding from their insecurities.

I am not sure where I fall into these observations.

Understanding Me

Part of me is trying to understand the reasoning behind my fantasies.
Part of me does not want me to understand, why I think the way I do.
I don’t understand me.
If I tried to analyze my inner most thoughts, would I go insane?
Or should I just fantasize.